What Was I Thinking?

Tonight I actually had an extra few minutes on my hands. Of course that only means that I have forgotten something that I should have done. Oh well. Instead of wracking my brain, I decided to clean up. Not the house, Silly! I cleaned up my list of bookmarks. I heard once (from a major Internet junkie) that your bookmarks reflect who you really are. I don't buy it. The only thing I can tell from my bookmarks is that I obviously "surf the net" and drink simultaneously. As proof, here is a short list of sites that I quickly deleted from my list of favorites tonight while repeating the mantra, "what was I thinking?" I'm not going to link them because honestly, I'd probably be embarrassed.

TV Inventions - This is a site that facilitates the sale of items shown on television. I assume these all have infomercials. I am guessing that I found this URL late at night after watching a really bad informercial. Of the products listed on the homepage, I cannot for the life of me guess what originally caught my eye. I can tell you that my favorite tonight is the "Slimming Shaper." It appears to be a girdle that promises to "slim your love handles, bulges,and panty lines while smoothing outdoor thighs, waist and tummy. Give your buttocks an extra lift while flattening your tummy at the same time!" Read that - squeeze your fat out through your butt. It sounds painful.

Being a Girl - This is a site about (QUICK - Sensitive Guy Readers Look AWAY!) Tampax and what happens "once a month." This bookmark is a mystery to me since I'm pretty familiar with the subject. The site DOES look promising, though. A link called "Queen for a Week" caught my eye. I didn't delete this one, as I need to go back and investigate this link in case there is info there I can lord over the Hubby.

MSN - I can't for the life of me figure out why I bookmarked the MSN homepage? No, it was not something that came preinstalled. I got rid of all of that mess eons ago. Yes, I am sure. I worked for several years in a technical position, remember? I can't even begin to guess what I was thinking.

Radio Stations - A site containing links to music stations: none of which are local, certainly none of which broadcast a music genre I actually listen to.

Media Guide - A guide to television shows...at first glance. The truth is that it is a site trying to sell DVDs. I guess this one had fine print that hurt my head at the time and I saved it to read when I was sober.

Art (or Something Like It) - This was a website that basically looked like a MS Paint program. It's big draw was that you could "display" your "masterpiece" for others to view. Scribbling in color really should not rate a bookmark on my machine. I don't have the time.

There are SEVERAL other sites I removed from my favorites list tonight. I am just too tired (read that embarrassed) to list more.

I really need to give up drinking and surfing...at the same time. On their own, they are very admirable pursuits.

You Were Wrong!

HA! I bet you thought they had killed me didn't you? Well they tried my friends. They really tried, but I prevailed to witness yet another glorious "First Day of School." I swear, there is nothing quite as satisfying as waking the rotten fruit of one's loins at the crack of dawn on the "First Day of School," especially if they have been at each other's throats and driving you into shock therapy all summer. Perhaps I overdid it a bit by playing the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah as their wake-up call on the stereo...

At full blast...
On repeat.

You would have thought I committed the faux pas of kissing them in public in full 80's garb by the nasty reception I received. Ingrates. They should be happy that I am so into their education. Some day they will thank me.

Despite the rude reception I was subjected to, nothing was going to ruin my favorite day of the year. You should have seen them scurrying around like little lost blind mice, bumping into walls and acting startled at the smallest noise. It was reminiscent of my reaction this summer to a ringing phone at 2:30am or a wrestling match on the stairs over the last Oreo. Honestly my friends, I haven't had this much fun since...well, since the "First Day of School" last year.

I can only describe my euphoria as the same feeling as discovering a huge molten chocolate fudge cake topped with numerous scoops of Ben and Jerry's Brownie Fudge and Half Baked ice cream, showered with dark chocolate chips and smothered with dark chocolate fudge, marshmallow cream and giant chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough...that magically provides a NEGATIVE calorie count, thus making it a diet food where you would actually lose weight and eventually shrink to a size 2.

Yeah. It's that good.