Home Schooling
I decided today that I am sick of living in this pigsty. We can't afford a maid, and I have paid for too much higher education to pretend to be one. I decided to call on the Prince and Princess of Wails, otherwise known as #1 son and the little one. They are of the understanding that summer vacation requires nothing more of them than simultaneously playing computer games, Instant Messaging their friends and watching television all while talking on the phone. Today was their day of reckoning.
After calling all hands on deck, I launched into the "motivational speech". It's one I have given many times before. I break them down first with lines like "Certainly you are disgusted by this house as much as I am," and "I'm sure that you, like me, don't want your friends to know we live like this," etc. I pace back and forth while explaining to them that it's not normal to have to negotiate through the house like it's a mine field, ducking and dodging hazardous obstacles. Normal families don't have to clear debris to find a place to sit or eat dinner. After my dissertation on why God made trash cans, I begin to build them back up with lots of "we're all in this together, we made this mess together we're going to band together to clean it up as a family," blah, blah, blah. At this point #1 son is nodding his head, even when I'm not speaking, which tells me that he has visions of Diablo II dancing in his head. The little one is staring off into space with her eyes glazed over. No matter. We're ready to hit the trenches. I gave them their assignments and off we went.
It was a slow start. Thinking they were working diligently, I decided to quietly check on their progress. #1 son was standing in the same spot staring at the TV while folding the same sock over and over again. The little one was drawing pictures of hamsters. I decided it was time for another speech. I gathered them together again and recited my famous "All play and no work leads to dwelling condemnation" speech. We were back on track.
The rest of the day went rather slow. I only had to preach one other time. It was a good one though, complete with visual aids. I marched them into the laundry room (also known as our garage) to give the ever popular "laundry left to die on the floor turns into rags" speech. During my performance I showed them the white load which was soaking in muddy brown water in the washer. I delivered classic lines like "when you turn your clothes into carpet and tromp on them for days (maybe even weeks), this is the result." I believe I reached them. I got responses like "eeeewww" and "gross." At least it was something.
All in all, the day wasn't a total loss. We made minute little improvements. Some of the laundry (the clean stuff from last week) is folded, albeit haphazardly, and laying on the sofa - where it will probably lay for days. And we have a really cool notebook filled with hamster drawings. It's going to be a long summer.
After calling all hands on deck, I launched into the "motivational speech". It's one I have given many times before. I break them down first with lines like "Certainly you are disgusted by this house as much as I am," and "I'm sure that you, like me, don't want your friends to know we live like this," etc. I pace back and forth while explaining to them that it's not normal to have to negotiate through the house like it's a mine field, ducking and dodging hazardous obstacles. Normal families don't have to clear debris to find a place to sit or eat dinner. After my dissertation on why God made trash cans, I begin to build them back up with lots of "we're all in this together, we made this mess together we're going to band together to clean it up as a family," blah, blah, blah. At this point #1 son is nodding his head, even when I'm not speaking, which tells me that he has visions of Diablo II dancing in his head. The little one is staring off into space with her eyes glazed over. No matter. We're ready to hit the trenches. I gave them their assignments and off we went.
It was a slow start. Thinking they were working diligently, I decided to quietly check on their progress. #1 son was standing in the same spot staring at the TV while folding the same sock over and over again. The little one was drawing pictures of hamsters. I decided it was time for another speech. I gathered them together again and recited my famous "All play and no work leads to dwelling condemnation" speech. We were back on track.
The rest of the day went rather slow. I only had to preach one other time. It was a good one though, complete with visual aids. I marched them into the laundry room (also known as our garage) to give the ever popular "laundry left to die on the floor turns into rags" speech. During my performance I showed them the white load which was soaking in muddy brown water in the washer. I delivered classic lines like "when you turn your clothes into carpet and tromp on them for days (maybe even weeks), this is the result." I believe I reached them. I got responses like "eeeewww" and "gross." At least it was something.
All in all, the day wasn't a total loss. We made minute little improvements. Some of the laundry (the clean stuff from last week) is folded, albeit haphazardly, and laying on the sofa - where it will probably lay for days. And we have a really cool notebook filled with hamster drawings. It's going to be a long summer.
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