Thursday, January 04, 2007

It's Over - Move ON already!

Dear Neighbors:

It is now January FOURTH and the Holidays are OVER. I strongly suggest that you give the "Holiday Spirit" a rest. I, of all neighbors, completely understand if you lack the spare time to remove your garish light displays, but for God's sake at least TURN THEM OFF!

I fully admit that my holiday decorations were not completely on display until December 22. I also understand that even though you DOUBLED the number of tacky lawn animals, blow up snowthings, animated hoogititz AND ran the fake icicles to new heights on your roof, garage and shed, you still managed to be fully illuminated by November 7th. Please understand though, that you DO NOT have to make up for my lack of "holiday spirit." Really. Santa is not keeping score.

I mean come on. You know me. I'm a procrastinator. I'm terminally unorganized. I am the neighbor who brings her trashcans in three days late. Is that any reason to punish me?


OK, so you may not have any sympathy for me, but how about my kids? I am most concerned about the Middle One (the Artist Formally Known as The Little One). The problem wasn't as much of an issue while she was on holiday break, but now that she is in school again she is really struggling. You see, she is only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night. It seems that since one of her bedroom windows faces your house, your "Holiday Spirit" lights up her room like she was a prisoner of war under interrogation. She's ultra-crabby and that scares her family and worries her teachers.

My Dear Neighbors, I have written our representative on City Council to suggest a law to penalize residents who continue to illuminate their holiday yard displays after New Year's Day. Don't take it personally. There are many others in our city who are guilty of this offensive "crime." I have suggested that a fine of $1 per light be assessed to all guilty parties. That would mean you would owe about 12 Gazillion dollars. that case, I would owe NO personal property tax.

Just be happy I don't own a gun.




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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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