Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Everything and Nothing

...which is exactly what I have to write about. So much stuff is going on, yet I cannot seem to compile a coherent thought. I suppose I could do an "update" thing again, but really...isn't that boring? OK, I give. Here's the update. We didn't win the Ugliest Backyard contest. Certainly that does not mean that we actually don't have THE ugliest yard. Instead I think it means that we don't have enough friends. The schmuck that won it was really just a lazy ass, judging from the picture. He had tall grass, but at least he HAD grass! Heck, he even had a shed - albeit one of those cheesy metal ones, but hey it was a shed. Listening to him on the radio he sounded like some young prick. Obviously too busy to cut the grass, probably spending all his time partying with friends and playing the Playstation. But, I'm not bitter.

#1 son commented that our luck has really sucked this last month or so. One of their grandfathers passed away, money has been tight, we attempted to crush the neighbor's house with a tree resulting in over 1K in tree removal, lost a picture window to an errant branch AND my father (yet another grandfather) landed in the hospital on Monday...again.

But you know what? We are blessed. Really. A miracle happened with Dad's surgery today. He needed a bypass (would have been his third), but they would have had to wait 5 days to do it. He wouldn't have lasted 5 days, according to the Doc. Instead they did the only thing they could do immediately and it appears to have worked. The Doc said he "bought him some time" - not that he defined "time" in dog years, but hey - we'll take what we can get!

Honestly for about 2 seconds when I first started writing this I thought I might be able to form a coherent Sorry. Let me just say that emotional stress can creep up on you when you least expect it. This week is the last of my dreaded French class. I hate it...passionately. But I need it to graduate. So I endure. My grades in there are good, but I have to work at it. Today was Dad's surgery (on an emergency basis, mind you) - but I went to class anyway. The professor was going over what was going to be on the final on Friday - and hey...I couldn't do much sitting in the waiting room, right? So I go. I lasted about 45 minutes. At one point the prof asked me to answer a French of course...and my brain just completely QUIT. I didn't even comprehend the question. No way I could answer. Luckily she's not a complete sadist, like most foreign language professors, and moved on to someone else. The tears welled up. But I held on. I wrote down the exam outline and quietly headed out the door.

Guess what? I made it to my car...and the damn broke! I cried like a baby. I'm not proud, but luckily no one saw me. I called C. and yelled at him for not unloading my car last night. Luckily C. knows me well enough to know that the car had nothing to do with it. Later, after leaving the hospital, I was EXHAUSTED. Honestly, it was really strange. A fatigue that I have not known in ages. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I called C. to tell him, and he assured me that it was perfectly normal. Apparently emotional fatigue is sometimes more powerful than physical fatigue. Who knew?

OK, so I am rambling out of guilt for not posting in a few days. Perhaps I will get back the "party wit" I seem to possess and will be more entertaining at some point in the future. Then again, who am I entertaining? I said in the beginning that this is for me. Perhaps I will "get" me at some point in the future, cause I sure don't "get" it now when I reread this. Yes. I've had a few. It's been a shitty month. Not that I need an excuse.

Remind me to define "party wit" sometime. I am the master of it.



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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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