Home Schooling

I decided today that I am sick of living in this pigsty. We can't afford a maid, and I have paid for too much higher education to pretend to be one. I decided to call on the Prince and Princess of Wails, otherwise known as #1 son and the little one. They are of the understanding that summer vacation requires nothing more of them than simultaneously playing computer games, Instant Messaging their friends and watching television all while talking on the phone. Today was their day of reckoning.

After calling all hands on deck, I launched into the "motivational speech". It's one I have given many times before. I break them down first with lines like "Certainly you are disgusted by this house as much as I am," and "I'm sure that you, like me, don't want your friends to know we live like this," etc. I pace back and forth while explaining to them that it's not normal to have to negotiate through the house like it's a mine field, ducking and dodging hazardous obstacles. Normal families don't have to clear debris to find a place to sit or eat dinner. After my dissertation on why God made trash cans, I begin to build them back up with lots of "we're all in this together, we made this mess together we're going to band together to clean it up as a family," blah, blah, blah. At this point #1 son is nodding his head, even when I'm not speaking, which tells me that he has visions of Diablo II dancing in his head. The little one is staring off into space with her eyes glazed over. No matter. We're ready to hit the trenches. I gave them their assignments and off we went.

It was a slow start. Thinking they were working diligently, I decided to quietly check on their progress. #1 son was standing in the same spot staring at the TV while folding the same sock over and over again. The little one was drawing pictures of hamsters. I decided it was time for another speech. I gathered them together again and recited my famous "All play and no work leads to dwelling condemnation" speech. We were back on track.

The rest of the day went rather slow. I only had to preach one other time. It was a good one though, complete with visual aids. I marched them into the laundry room (also known as our garage) to give the ever popular "laundry left to die on the floor turns into rags" speech. During my performance I showed them the white load which was soaking in muddy brown water in the washer. I delivered classic lines like "when you turn your clothes into carpet and tromp on them for days (maybe even weeks), this is the result." I believe I reached them. I got responses like "eeeewww" and "gross." At least it was something.

All in all, the day wasn't a total loss. We made minute little improvements. Some of the laundry (the clean stuff from last week) is folded, albeit haphazardly, and laying on the sofa - where it will probably lay for days. And we have a really cool notebook filled with hamster drawings. It's going to be a long summer.

Miracles

You know I reread the last post and thought very seriously about deleting it. I sounded deranged (which I probably am), whiney (which I definitely was) and bitter (which I've gotten over). But I'm going to leave it. It reminds me of the major crap that we've dealt with these past 6 weeks. And you know what? None of it matters - not even the rain last night, IN my friggin house (yes you read that right). Today was Dad's 71st birthday. When you stack all the piddly little problems we've had, they are trivialized by almost losing Dad. We've been given the gift of having him here with us, if only for a bit longer. It really doesn't sound like all that much until you realize that Dad has lived longer than ANY male in the history of his family. They've all died young of heart disease. Dad's a tough old coot, though. With the grace of God, he's hit another milestone - another birthday.

We surprised him with a great gift - at least I think it was pretty cool. One of my favorite things is gift giving. I LOVE picking out presents that are "just right" for the recipient. Tonight we gave Dad a combo DVD-VCR. Cool because his VCR was on death's door (Lord only knows how old it is) and also because he has never owned a DVD. Not long ago, when we took #1 son's PS2 over to watch the movie Miracle, Dad commented that the picture was noticeably better. Ding ding ding! We got him 4 DVDs to go with it - 2 Ronald Reagan tributes (perfect for a die hard Republican), Patton and one other old war movie. He LOVES those! It was great seeing him open his gifts!

I love my Dad with all my heart. He is one of the most terrific men on the planet. I'm serious. Sure, he can be a grumpy old man...and he defines crumudgeon at times. But no one is more loving and caring about friends and family. He's all bluster and bark, no bite. Only C. even comes close in my mind to Dad, which is why I finally got it right and married him. My parents have given us so much over the years, lent us so much money, too, that we could never hope to repay them. Which is the issue - you CAN'T repay them. They refuse to take any money back from us...EVER. So being able to give him a birthday gift that he is thrilled about is well worth it.

Tonight I count my blessings. The Lord has given me a gift, yet again, as He always does. He always looks out for us. The house, the yard, even stupid french class....it all means nothing. We have our health and our loved ones. La vie est tres bonne!

Everything and Nothing

...which is exactly what I have to write about. So much stuff is going on, yet I cannot seem to compile a coherent thought. I suppose I could do an "update" thing again, but really...isn't that boring? OK, I give. Here's the update. We didn't win the Ugliest Backyard contest. Certainly that does not mean that we actually don't have THE ugliest yard. Instead I think it means that we don't have enough friends. The schmuck that won it was really just a lazy ass, judging from the picture. He had tall grass, but at least he HAD grass! Heck, he even had a shed - albeit one of those cheesy metal ones, but hey it was a shed. Listening to him on the radio he sounded like some young prick. Obviously too busy to cut the grass, probably spending all his time partying with friends and playing the Playstation. But, I'm not bitter.

#1 son commented that our luck has really sucked this last month or so. One of their grandfathers passed away, money has been tight, we attempted to crush the neighbor's house with a tree resulting in over 1K in tree removal, lost a picture window to an errant branch AND my father (yet another grandfather) landed in the hospital on Monday...again.

But you know what? We are blessed. Really. A miracle happened with Dad's surgery today. He needed a bypass (would have been his third), but they would have had to wait 5 days to do it. He wouldn't have lasted 5 days, according to the Doc. Instead they did the only thing they could do immediately and it appears to have worked. The Doc said he "bought him some time" - not that he defined "time" in dog years, but hey - we'll take what we can get!

Honestly for about 2 seconds when I first started writing this I thought I might be able to form a coherent thought....but...no. Sorry. Let me just say that emotional stress can creep up on you when you least expect it. This week is the last of my dreaded French class. I hate it...passionately. But I need it to graduate. So I endure. My grades in there are good, but I have to work at it. Today was Dad's surgery (on an emergency basis, mind you) - but I went to class anyway. The professor was going over what was going to be on the final on Friday - and hey...I couldn't do much sitting in the waiting room, right? So I go. I lasted about 45 minutes. At one point the prof asked me to answer a question....in French of course...and my brain just completely QUIT. I didn't even comprehend the question. No way I could answer. Luckily she's not a complete sadist, like most foreign language professors, and moved on to someone else. The tears welled up. But I held on. I wrote down the exam outline and quietly headed out the door.

Guess what? I made it to my car...and the damn broke! I cried like a baby. I'm not proud, but luckily no one saw me. I called C. and yelled at him for not unloading my car last night. Luckily C. knows me well enough to know that the car had nothing to do with it. Later, after leaving the hospital, I was EXHAUSTED. Honestly, it was really strange. A fatigue that I have not known in ages. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I called C. to tell him, and he assured me that it was perfectly normal. Apparently emotional fatigue is sometimes more powerful than physical fatigue. Who knew?

OK, so I am rambling out of guilt for not posting in a few days. Perhaps I will get back the "party wit" I seem to possess and will be more entertaining at some point in the future. Then again, who am I entertaining? I said in the beginning that this is for me. Perhaps I will "get" me at some point in the future, cause I sure don't "get" it now when I reread this. Yes. I've had a few. It's been a shitty month. Not that I need an excuse.

Remind me to define "party wit" sometime. I am the master of it.

Cat

Update on the tree removal. Great fun.

5...4...3...2...1...

Boy has my fuse been short today. I'm not sure why I've been so antsy. PMS maybe. I have a million things I need to get accomplished and yet I get further behind. Procrastination sucks. I'm good at it though, so I suppose that's something.

My business is suffering. I really need a recharge. Actually I just need to get off my butt and WORK it, which I haven't done in a few weeks. School has been brutal this last week and will continue to be for the next 10 or so days that I have left in this class. Of course, there are TONS of things I need to be doing here around the house, too. I am one of those people who sees the big huge picture and has trouble compartmentalizing to get things done. I will just have to push myself to accomplish things one step at a time.

The kids are driving me crazy today. I'm ready for school to start again. Oh...wait...it hasn't ended yet. They're in half days all week. Why do school systems do that? If they are supposed to be in class for X number of days, WHY are they spending this last week watching movies and goofing off? My tax dollars are paying for this right? I'm just bitter.

UPDATE:
Still no word on the Ugliest Backyard Contest, though I continue to get harassed by my friends. It's to be expected I guess. They haven't even announced when the contest is going to end.

We still have not won the lottery.

The mutant half-tree still stands in my yard. The tree guys were backed up and can't come until tomorrow.

I've actually sold 3 items on eBay. Guess that makes me a mini-mogul of some type. I can't imagine how these people who do this for a living manage it all. I'm just trying to get rid of some of the clutter before the house is condemned.

Cat

Reality Bites

I wish it was possible to do a broad search of all weblog sites for the word "reality." I just know that there would be something like a bazillion hits. Some them, of course, would be semi-deep crap about the reality of life, but I bet most of them would be rants about reality TV. It's the trainwreck of this century. No one actually admits that they watch reality shows, but they must. If the ratings weren't there, the networks wouldn't keep formulating the ideas only to put this junk on MY television.

I must admit that I am on the fringe of this phenomenon. I must ask: where have all the good reality shows gone? As I type this, "The Next Action Star" is on in the background. It sucks. All these shows do now. Unfortunately, there's nothing else on tonight. I jumped on the reality bandwagon late. I have never watched Survivor...a fact that I can still claim today. There have been a couple of shows, however, that have captured my fancy.

I LOVED "The Restaurant". I can't imagine that anyone who has actually worked in food service at some point in their lives wasn't at least a little bit hooked (at least those who actually tuned in). Restaurants are fascinating little worlds that have a life of their own. It makes for great TV. I waited tables back in the mid-90s, so I can speak from experience. My only regret is that weblogs were not a popular trend back then. Oh the stories I could have told! It was crazy. The soap opera was worse than anything one sees on daytime soaps. Fast forward to 2004 and I can candidly state that I was semi-addicted to Rocco & Co., during the first season anyway. After the first season, it just got stupid and Rocco got fat (am I the only one who noticed Rocco might have had too many of Mamma's meatballs?). The producers of that show made a mistake when they focused on the fight between Rocco and his partner. They should have continued to follow the staff more closely. That's where the real action is anyway. Sex, lies and videotape. It would have been a winner.

I also made it a point to watch "Last Comic Standing," though the jury's still out on the second season. I was bummed when the big guy lost (what was his name? Howie, Hughie? Something like that - if you watched it, you know who I'm talking about. Who the hell is Dat Phan anyway??). I even managed to pick up the phone to vote for said big guy. Of course, I couldn't get through (who ever does?), but it was a sign that I at least gave a crap. I'm not sure if I am crazy about this new batch of starving comics yet, but I am certain of one thing: watching this show does guarantee a few laughs.

The third on my list of reality TV WAS "Average Joe." That's one show that I can honestly say I made a point to watch. There's something incredibly satisfying about watching a complete moron of a woman (albeit, a gorgeous one) making a fool of herself and revealing what Average Joes and Janes have always known: that most "babes" ARE as shallow as we all originally thought. I thought Malena (or however one spells it) showed not only her true motivation but her IQ when she chose the pretty boy. I must admit though, that I was convinced she'd pick Adam for the money. Stupid babes like Malena are usually all OVER the money. It was less of a shock when the 2nd chick (can't even remember her name now - guess her 15 minutes are over) picked a pretty boy as well. I have to say that I cheered upon learning that said pretty boy broke up with her because she once dated Fabio. HUH?! Fabio for cryin' out loud!?! It wasn't even someone hot like Tom Cruise (sorry - I AM a fan of the 80s). Besides, who the hell breaks up with someone because they once dated someone else anyway? Unless, of course, the someone else was a porn star and you were concerned about STDs. Long story short, I was dismayed when Adam let me down. He should have listened to his Momma. Momma almost always knows best. His first clue should have been when his "chosen one" (can't remember her name either - she had less than 15 minutes) stated her hobby as shopping. HELLO McFly? Average Looking Millionaire + Somewhat Cute Shopaholic = ...well you do the math.

Has the reality trend run it's course and the networks just haven't figured it out yet? I swear, if I see one more promo for "The Bachelor" - ANY bachelor - I will most certainly barf. I didn't watch the first one - heck, I haven't watched any of them. Apparently I am in the minority. The tabloids act so shocked when one of these made for TV romances breaks up. Was it really such a surprise? Do I care? I made absolutely NO attempt to watch the Trista-Ryan wedding. Why do I even know that it happened? Because my People magazine (guilty as charged - I enjoy reading utter trash when I am not reading material for school) was full of it for weeks. But hey, can you blame Trista & Ryan? I suppose if I was offered the wedding of my dreams - to hell with the cost - and more importantly a honeymoon that I would never be able to afford otherwise...well maybe I'd make the same choice Trista did. I highly doubt it, but one never knows until they are confronted with a similar situation.

I think I'll stick with "er". That's WAY more real than "reality" TV. :P

PS - Still no word on the Backyard Makeover Contest. I don't even know when it ends. I have, however, taken more crap from my friends than I would EVER tolerate over this thing. Perhaps that's why they are taking advantage of the situation and getting their shots in while they can.

And The Beat Goes On...

The saga of the yard continues. This time it's the front and not the back. Last night about 10:30pm, AFTER the storm passed, I stepped out to let the dog outside and was greeted by "pop, pop, POP, POP, P*O*P...BANG!" Not a driveby, just the sound of our huge Maple tree snapping almost in half and barely missing the neighbor's house. Lovely. So here we were at 11pm cutting branches so the neighbor could actually get out of her front door.

It's true. Our area is STILL feeling the effects of the hurricane last year. I understand that. But just HOW can a tree removal company be backed up for TEN WEEKS??! Most only have a backup of 2 weeks or so. Lovely again. Apparently since the hurricane blazed through, every new minor storm fells a whole slew of trees. One would think we lived in a desert. Can there possibly BE that many trees to fall?

Luckily, we happened to catch a really cool "tree man" who was on his way to another job and agreed to swing by and look at it. As an aside, the title "tree man" strikes me kind of funny. Reminds me of Apollo 13 - "Steely Eyed Missle Man." I guess communing with trees is a gift. Anyhoo, "fortunately" for us, we had enough of an "emergency" that he agreed to come back with his crew and get the half of the tree that was completely filling my neighbor's yard. Yes, you read that right. HALF of the tree was in the yard next door. The OTHER half is still standing. And of course they can't get to it until Tuesday at the earliest. They tied what's left of the tree up with ropes to hold it through the weekend. See, it seems there is yet another huge limb (perched precariously over the same neighbor's roof) that is cracked and will plunge toward the ground (through said roof) should we get even a gentle breeze. Thank you Mr. Newton.

Ugly Is As Ugly Does

OK, I know I should feel some shame. But quite honestly I am rather giddy about the whole thing. I think it's pretty damned amusing. But then again I am a bit twisted. Today we received the rather dubious honor of being named one of the 20 "Ugliest Backyards" in our area. I'm sure my parents are thrilled.

A local radio station is running a contest to find the ugliest backyard in the area. The winner gets a backyard "makeover" by a landscaping company complete with a pond, new lawn furniture and a trip for two to the Bahamas while they do the work. Heck, they can KEEP their trip and put the money into the yard if we win. Last weekend, after spending a whole day working in the jungle (our yard) to no avail, I was frustrated enough to snap some digital pictures and send them in. Lo and behold, we're finalists. The sad part is that we HAVE been working on it (OK...for 5 years, but still...) and it STILL looks like crap.

So anyway, the station posted pictures of the finalists on their website and people have to vote for the worst one. It was with a little trepidation that I sent out email to our friends today begging them to vote for us. Sure, we want the votes - but do we really want everyone to see how horrendous the jungle really is? Then again, most of our friends have been here, so it should come as no surprise to them. *IF* we win, the radio station holds a party for 25 complete with singers we can't stand ("The Calypso Nuts" - a husband and wife team who sing nothing but Jimmy Buffet songs - we ran into them in a bar a few years ago), pizza and Corona beer. I think that IF we win, we'll throw a party of our own for all our friends. A keg of Guinness and a cookout on the grill is more our speed. We haven't had a good throw down since the annual Halloween party. I promised them as much. What does it say about us that we have friends who will do just about anything for free beer?

Of course, we probably don't have near as many friends as the other people who entered, but it's good to hope. But really....what do the "runners up" in the contest get other than public humiliation? We didn't win the lottery last night either.

Cat

To Play Or Not To Play....

What is it with the lottery? Is it basic human nature to dream of winning? It seems we all talk about it a lot. When I was working in the cube-farm, there were major discussions about how one would quit after winning. Do you call your boss and tell the company to shove it before, or after the trip to claim your prize? What would you do with the winnings? When would you tell your friends and family? WOULD you tell your friends and family?! Invest? Spend? Buy a huge house? Travel? Wow. Decisions, decisions.

It was pointed out to me recently that one must actually PLAY to win the lottery. I suppose that makes sense. I certainly don't want to be one of "those" people, though. You've seen them in line in the convenience stores and gas stations. You've probably been stuck behind them as they plunk down their $100 (at $1 per play). The ones with the "lottery kit" - plastic envelopes with all their tickets, slips and even their own official "lottery pencil." You know the type. It's obvious that they play every week (or more). What better way to spend the retirement fund? It's an investment, right? So I certainly don't want to be seen as a fool with a pipe dream. I have friends that make fun of "those" people (and me on the rare occasion that I actually play)...like they don't secretly fantasize about winning the big prize! Humph! But what if.... I mean SOMEONE has to win right? Why couldn't it be me? What if it was MY time and I missed out because of some preconceived notions and prejudice? Could I live with myself if *MY* numbers actually came up and I didn't play?

So it's up to something like 71 million. I usually don't play unless it's over 100 mil, but C. wants me to buy a ticket tonight. Maybe he has a feeling. The problem is that he wants me to play the numbers of our favorite hockey players. Well, 68 is not an option. Guess I'll play the birthdays.

Speaking of hockey: The Lightning won Lord Stanley's Cup last night. Good for them! I called that one after the Bruins (my second favorite team) lost in the first round. "Tampa Bay all the way!" It was a great game - game 7 down to the wire. I personally don't think it's natural to have a hockey team in Florida, but there are stranger things in the world of sports. And it was better than a Canadian team taking home the cup. They're cocky enough about the sport to begin with. Funny coming from a country who's national sport is curling.

Cat

Momma Loves Da eBay!

It's pathetic, this addiction to eBay. There's GOT to be a 12 step program somewhere for this stuff. There ought to be a law against making all this cool "stuff" available to someone like me - a person with a serious shopping problem. It's not like I am a shopaholic or anything. I don't live in the stores trolling for cool clothes and shoes (OK I LOVE shoes, but I don't shop for them). I am just addicted to STUFF and eBay plays into that.

I love collectibles. Not those pansy Precious Moments or Hummels or anything - I love cool stuff. Transportation china - you know like from oceanliners, trains and airlines. Stuff marked with the name of the ship line, airline, RR, etc. The problem is that I can't seem to decide just WHAT I want to collect. Lately it's been a fascination with ashtrays. No, not the little guy peeing into a catus or anything - ashtrays from transportation from days gone by. I mean, hey - you can't smoke in public anymore. They're making it illegal. Maybe they'll be worth something someday. So I like the ashtrays (china mostly, not glass) from commercial transportation. Egg cups are cool, too. Who knew they even made those things? I certainly didn't before eBay.

Which brings me back to my original point. It's all C's fault. He introduced me to eBay in the first place. Of course I had heard about it - we have a few friends that work in IT systems for them out in CA. But it wasn't until last fall that C. showed me that we had an eBay account- right before Christmas for cryin' out loud! Presents anyone? Apparantly C had never used the account because he has a healthy fear of me - which is a good thing. The problem is that I have NO fear of myself....there's no checks & balances system in place.

So there is eBay, flashing all that cool stuff in my face. It was OK when my eBay activity only consisted of searching for a Jaromir Jagr jersey for myself (I fantacize about him regularly, but that's a post for another time). Then I expanded my horizons a bit to include other Jagr memorabilia. Still no problem, right? C. knows about my obsession. And then along came the holidays. Well OF COURSE eBay was the perfect place to do some Christmas shopping. Who can argue with inexpensive gifts and fantastic deals? C. certainly can't. His whole Christmas consisted of eBay merchandise - VERY cool stuff I might add.

It has snowballed from there. After a business trip to Long Beach, CA in January, it occurred to me that I might run into some of the china from the Queen Mary (that I had fallen in love with after touring her on my trip) on the dastardly site. Guess what? SCORE! Then I looked for china from other ship lines, then other forms of transportation, then.....ARGH! You see? I'm hooked. At least I admit the problem. To face your addiction is the first step to a cure right? Unfortunately for our bank account - I don't WANT to be cured. I shudder to think how much I have spent on that stupid site since last fall. It's just too cool to find vintage stuff, click a few buttons (I admit sometimes I get carried away with the whole bidding/competetion thing - drinking and eBay DON'T mix!!) and it comes to your house. What could be easier?

The good news is that I found a new addiction today. Selling. It's about time we got rid of all this clutter around here. Another man's junk...as they say. I am getting a kick out of seeing how many "watchers" I have. Even got a question from a potential bidder today. Cool. Beats the hell out of a yard sale. I speak from experience. We've had 2. What a horrendous thing to endure. There are not many worse things than dragging all of your junk (personal junk, though - stuff with memories attached) onto your lawn for the herd to examine. You're really laying your soul on the line because you KNOW those people are judging you by your junk. "Good Lord, look at those ! Can you believe they LIVE this way?!" And of course you put it in the paper for a 9am start time with NO early-birds...only to have some old goat on your doorstep ringing the bell at 6am to find out if you have any lawn mowers for sale. And the negotiating. PLEASE....don't you think a full complete set of queen sheets with matching drapes, dust ruffle and pillow covers that cost $450 new and is only 6 months old is WORTH the $5 price? Why must you offer me $1 and be offended and nasty if I refuse?

So eBay is good. I am happily addicted. It could be worse, right?

I saved lives today. I finally rescued those poor pathetic piles of brown leaves from their cello-pack prison. Of course they were gorgeous flowering plants when I purchased from the garden store weeks ago...until they sat on my front steps...in the sun.

Why do I kill things? It's not just outside flora either. I kill indoor plants, too. Go ahead. Gift me with a plant and see what happens to it. I still have 2 of the plants we received for housewarming gifts 5 years ago. They have about 5 leaves between them. Those 5 leaves symbolize a triumph for me. Other, lesser plants haven't survived me nearly as long. It's not that I do it on purpose, of course. And it has nothing to do with my feelings towards the giver. It just happens.

I always have such good intentions. I have visions of this gorgeous yard, overflowing with flowers. All the passers-by would slow down and ooh and ahh. In reality, our yard is the one all the neighbors shun. I feel their accusing stares everytime I get in my car to leave as they toil away on their botanical creations. True, our yard DOES resemble a bad episode of Sanford & Son, but must their hatred be so obvious?

Again, my intentions are good. It's just that circumstances beyond my control always seem to thwart my efforts. Take today as a typical example. I came home from class full of purpose. TODAY I would work in the yard. Clean out that bed full of weeds that is so glaringly placed in front of the house, plant the remnamts of the flowers that were dying on the front steps, etc. Yessir! Today was IT! It's Friday, so I can put my homework off until later in the weekend (not that I don't put it off all the time anyway). It's overcast and not too hot. Perfect! SO I managed to get the plants in some dirt and what happens? Rain. See??? It's not my fault. It's fate. We are destined to live on a bad 70's sitcom set again this summer.

At least I haven't killed the kids yet. That's got to count for something.

Cat

I succumb to pop culture

You know the term "blog" is not an unfamiliar one. I have several friends who have these and are quite proud of them. I've received email from them asking me to check them out. And of course there are even one or two I read on a regular basis - people I don't even know. So here I am writing one myself.

I don't think I'll make it public. I can't wax poetic as so many seem to do. But who knows? Right now it's just for me, though.