Friday, August 13, 2004

Avon Calling, Frozen Snot and Other Ramblings

I have an Avon MAN. How cool is that? Seriously think about it. He's not gay. He's not even a metrosexual (which is a term I'm not even sure I understand, but I love Dave Navarro so let's go with it). In fact, he is a Supervisor at the shipyard. Before you guys get your boxers in a knot consider the genius behind this. I know no fewer than 7 Avon representatives. I, myself, own a direct sales business (not girlie related - mine actually appeals to both sexes) so I run into lots of other direct sellers. None of these other Avon "ladies" are close friends or anything, so when I find myself in need of anything Avon related, who do you think comes to mind? You got it! The Avon MAN! This guy is making money hand over fist. BRILLIANT! Of course he sucks for advice about the products - doesn't know what lipstick wears the longest without drying out your lips, but who cares? For the record, I actually don't wear lipstick. I just buy tons of it. It is sort of like my thing for shoes.

The reason I bring up my Avon MAN is that he left the current book(s) on my door today. Of course I thumbed through them, not that I needed anything, but do you really ever NEED anything from Avon?. Two products caught my eye. One was the Stress Relief Massaging Pillow. You should see the chick in the photo. That's afterglow. No doubt about it. The part of the description that struck me as the funniest was: "Insert 2 massage units into the zippered pockets in the nylon shell for an added stimulating massage that will set your whole body atingle." Uh huh. 2 built-in motorized massagers this thing boasts. Hey for $19.99 I suppose that's not such a bad deal. Not if I get to look as happy as the woman in the photo.

The other thing that struck me as odd was a book from Avon's Inspirational Treasures flier. It's called "God's Answers to Tough Questions: Everything You Wanted to Know but Were Afraid to Ask." So I ask you, did God write this book? Where did He get the questions to answer? Who is His publisher? Ah maybe it's me. But this one really cracked me up.

In other news, I opened my freezer today and found an empty ice cream carton. Of course I grabbed it to throw away and something a bit odd caught my eye. It was a very large bottle cap (from a Gatorade bottle I think) that was filled with something rather yellow and lumpy. I summoned the troops for questioning. Very dramatically I opened the freezer door, pointed and said "what is THAT?" #1 Son shrugged, pointed at his sister and said "It's hers," like he sees this all the time and left the kitchen. The Little One said "It's mine, but don't worry it's not bad," and made her exit. Huh? I did what any sane Mommy would do and IMed C. to ask if he had seen the frozen snot-like substance before. He was as perplexed as I was. Upon further questioning of both the Wails I found out that it was The Little One's "experiment." Apparently she mixes various lotions, potions and stuff from the pantry to concoct "schlubber." Shoot me. I guess freezing it makes it a more palatable consistency. I can only wonder how much more of it is hidden in my freezer, but I'll be damned if I'm going hunting for it. She scares me.

I am counting the days until school starts.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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