Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I Could Be a Contenda!

Since giving birth to the Milk Leech, I watch a LOT more television. My friends, have you seen "Rollergirls" on A&E? I am addicted! I have gotten so into Texas Roller Derby that I know all the stars, most of their real names, and the teams they play for. I am such a big fan that I have even pre-ordered the DVD of this season.

I SO could be a Roller Derby queen!! I feel that my life experience makes me the perfect candidate for the job. I may be old, but I have got the skills!

I am Fast: My entire life as a mother involves running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I pack in 28 hours in a 24-hour day. If I can catch a wayward toddler hell bent on escape, I can certainly lap the pack as a Jammer.

I have Attitude: Just ask that snot nosed grocery store clerk who asked me if I qualified for the "Senior Citizen" discount last Tuesday.

I have Team Spirit: I am still convinced that we can "get it together" and become organized, if we just all pull together as a family. In reality, I guess we're lucky that we haven't actually misplaced one of the children. That counts for something, right?

I am Tough: I have given birth to 3 children and lived to tell about it. I deal with poop, snot and vomit with barely a shrug of a shoulder. I think the ratty graying hair, dry skin, and permanent facial twitch only add to my personality.

I have Stage Presence: See the ratty hair and facial twitch referenced above. My appearance only serves to make me look like an escapee from a mental home. It could be part of my shtick.

I am Tenacious: I have successfully potty-trained two children. OK, so I didn't actively do that much, but at least they are not going to college in diapers. Another example is my optimistic attempt at gardening each and every spring.

I am Mean: Just ask anyone in my family that leaves their underwear on the floor or smart mouths me. Apparently I have a "look" that makes their hair stand on end.

In fact, I am downright Full of Rage at times: You don't drive 39 miles one way through rush hour traffic at least 3 days a week to soccer practice and not get a little testy.

I am telling you my friends, I could be famous! My family is convinced that I am obviously not getting out of the house as much as I need to. Whatever. They're just worried that I might up and leave them to become famous in the TXRD. How silly is that? Of course I would take them with me. Yeah...sure I would.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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