Thursday, January 19, 2006

Trials and Tribulations

We are going through a terrible ordeal here this week. It is something that I knew we would have to deal with some day, but I was hoping it would be later rather than sooner. Unfortunately it happened this weekend. I don't know how we are going to overcome this trial, but I do have faith that we will...somehow.

My friends, this week my teenager and his significant other broke up. You should know that this relationship was SERIOUS. Really. It lasted almost two months.

As always, I strive to impart my measly knowledge to you in the slight chance that it might come in handy to you one day. Tonight I give you: "How to Survive Your Teenager's First Major Break Up"

1) Under NO circumstances should you say things like, "you're only 14," "you'll have MANY relationships in your life," and "you're too young to know what real love is." While you and I may know that is true, it doesn't negate your teenager's feelings now. He hurts. You will suffer. Just grin and bear it.

2) Understand that his music will get louder and angrier than usual. Do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to decipher the lyrics of his new favorites. If you hope to continue to sleep at night, you will trust me on this one.

3) Answer your own phone for a few days, as he will be too depressed to "deal with it." You have probably forgotten how to do this as it has been so long since you have attempted it. Follow my lead: pick it up and say "hello." Of course, as usual, it will not be for you. It will be one of his many girl friends calling to commiserate.

4) Remove any reminders of the ex from your home. This may include certain food items that were the ex's favorite. Unfortunately this may cause a big problem if the ex actually liked your teenager's younger sibling.

5) Do not encourage him to seek out another relationship. Nothing and no one will be as good as his "one true love." How dare you even think he could love another? Resist this urge until he finds a new love interest. Hang in there. It might take as long as 48 or 49 hours.

6) Do not sweat his declarations of "I'm not hungry" and "If I eat I will throw up." He is not turning anorexic. He is still a teenage boy and thus will still eat you out of house and home.

7) Do not freak out when you find him lying on his bed, staring into space, in total darkness because he has covered his windows. He is not in a coma. Remind him of him of his chores. It is better to have him angry with you than forgetting to breathe.

8) Do not roll your eyes and sigh when you hear him tell a story about his ex for the 7,346th time. The sound of his ex's name may make your teeth numb, but he does not comprehend your level of exasperation.


9) Try to keep a straight face when reading his poetry. It will be really sappy and really bad. Really, REALLY bad. And Really SAPPY. REALLY.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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