Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Organization

I saw the coolest thing the other day on television called the Purse Organizer. This miracle of modern technology is a long strip of cloth that has many various sized pockets. The idea is that you keep your junk in the pockets and when you want to change purses, you simply roll it up and drop it into the new purse. I was enthralled! Finally a product that could bring some much needed organization into my life!

Honestly, purse changing is really not that much of an issue for me. If it holds all my junk, then it works for me until it wears out. HOWEVER, I am definitely organizationally challenged. I was giddy just thinking of all the time this wonderful invention is going to save me! My next move was to take an inventory of the contents of my purse in anticipation of my future streamlined life. Here is what I found:

Wallet/Checkbook Combo - It is completely stuffed to the gills and the seams are splitting. I am not positive, but I believe I bought it back when Clinton was President.

Sunglasses - I paid $1 for this pair about 7 years ago. Really. If I pay more than $5 for a pair of shades, I lose them. The speed with which my sunglasses are lost corresponds with their cost.

My "Main" Key Chain - Consisting of 8 keychains (Several of which were either made by my children or given to me as gifts from my children over the years), a frequent shopper card key-fob from a store I haven't frequented in about 5 years, a preferred customer card from a sports store that no longer exists, a preferred customer card from a jewelry store that I have made one purchase from - 3 years ago, my library card (conveniently in key-fob form), and two picture key tags of my kids from 2002. Oh yeah, and there are TWO keys on it as well: one for my house and one for my car, which I no longer drive very often.

A Second Key Chain - This one consists of a church key (that's a beer opener for those who are not familiar) and three keys: one to the SUVee action jeep (that I am driving now), one to the house that is so warped I cannot make it work and one to my in-law's house (I think), and the same two picture key tags of the kids from 2002.

An Empty Book of Checks - two website addresses are written on it that were found in a magazine at a doctor’s office for later surfing.

A Used Band-Aid

My Cell Phone - with a dead battery.

2 Melted Jolly Ranchers

A Drug Insert - From a medication I have never taken in my life.

One and a Half Packages of Spree Candy - Had I realized I had these, they would have been eaten by now.

2 Tubes of Lipstick - One the same color as my lips and one that makes me look like a streetwalker. I don't wear either of them.

3 Lip Balms - all different brands.

Cuticle Cream - Most of the product has melted away. That probably explains the greasy wetness at the bottom of my bag. I hope.

2 Highlighters - Both have gone dry.

7 Ink Pens - 3 of which actually work.

4 Crayons - My kids haven't colored in years.

4 Expired Gift Cards - None of which were given to me originally.

4 Appointment Reminder Cards - All for appointments last Spring.

Thirty-Three Pennies

7 Expired Coupons

3 Grocery Store Receipts - from June.

Something tells me that even the Purse Organizer won't help me.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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