On Star is Creepy

It is "Big Brother" enough for me that OnStar can track your every movement, relay your location to other agencies and even unlock your doors. As creepy as that is, now your vehicle can email you through the OnStar system. Is this a service I would want? I honestly don't think I want my car talking to me. I can imagine it now:

"Hey Bimbo:

It's time we talked. Have you even glanced into my back seat lately? Are you aware that there are three moldy Pop-Tarts crammed down behind my seats? Go ahead; check it out if you dare. While you are at it, be sure to note the petrified French fries on the floorboard and the 3-month-old Snickers bar that's ground in the carpet. There are several papers and tests crammed up under the passenger seat that those rotten kids hope you never find. Are you really that stupid? It is rather binding and uncomfortable to me. And what genius gave the kids Cheetos? Did you not think about my seat backs? They're now stained orange thanks to your carelessness. It is humiliating the way you and those crappy kids treat me. I have seen mini-vans carrying quadruplet toddlers in better shape than me. You better get your act together or I swear I will overheat on a lonely stretch of road when it's just you and the kids with NO cell phone service. Then YOU can see how you like getting Snickers ground into you while being smeared with Cheetos. Don't make me do it.

Sincerely,

Your Overworked and Under-Appreciated Car