Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Fashion Regurgitated

According to my local radio station, fashion is cyclical. Apparently fashions from the 80s are coming back. I am not sure how I feel about this. Of course, I am a big fan of this decade. I have a music and DVD collection to prove it. The clothes, on the other hand are not something I think I want to revisit. Digging back through old pictures of myself during that time period confirms my feelings. I mean really my friends, is this something we want to see repeated?

Big Hair - Otherwise known in these parts as Jersey Girl hair. My apologies to you if you are a girl from New Jersey. Double those apologies if you had huge hair. The big hair craze hit Virginia hard and spread like the plague. Your popularity in high school was multiplied exponentially by the height of your bangs. If this one comes back, I'm buying stock in Aqua Net (that's cheap hairspray for you guys out there).

The Mullet – Nothing gets me going more than a man in a mullet. Those are especially attractive on men who are losing or have lost their hair. Add a beer belly and a stained white t-shirt 2 sizes too small and I am so there baby. Oh. Wait. That was a Jerry Springer flashback. Never mind.

Skinny Jeans – The current trend of navel bearing, low riding jeans is traumatic enough. I've just gotten used to the snickers when I wear them with my comfortable granny underwear. I'm not ready for change. I had several pairs of "Skinny jeans" in my youth. You might have called them something different, but you know the jeans I'm talking about. They were so tight that your foot wouldn't fit into them without unzipping the conveniently placed zipper at the ankle. I realize "no pain, no gain," but I don't relish the thought of strangling my ankles again.

Leg Warmers – I think the 80s are proof that only ballet dancers can pull off leg warmers. I have the pictures to prove it.

Slouch Socks – These I still wear. The difference between now and then is that I now wear my jeans OUTSIDE of my socks, instead of tucking them INTO my socks. Of course, this point will be moot if we allow the skinny jeans to rest in peace.

"Preppy" – Pink and green are nauseating together. Espadrilles look like my grandmother's shoes and there is no way I can fit all my crap into one of those little wooden handled purses. Enough said.

Ripped Tights and Hose – OK, honestly I wouldn't mind this one so much. In fact I would actually be ahead of the trend. As it is now, when I catch someone glancing at my inevitable run, I look down, gasp with horror and say "Oh my gosh! That must have just happened!" It saves me from buying a new pair.

20 Pound Earrings - These beauties are the reason I can no longer wear tiny little stud earrings. Besides, I don't think my neck muscles are what they used to be.

There are so many other fashion trends from the 80s that I could comment on, but I will save you the agony of reliving it. My friends, we must stop this horrifying phenomenon. As you are aware, our youth set the fashion standards. I beg you to dig out your old garb and wear it just once. One look at you and kids will swear off the 80s forever.

It worked for my kids.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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