Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Crazy Searches That Have Found My Blog - Again

The searches that have found my blog never cease to give me a laugh. I wonder who these people are, though perhaps I really do not want to know. Since the list of weirdness has gotten long again, I give you the most recent installment in the series of honest to God, actual searches that have found my blog.

by placing a frog in cold water and the frog sits but add boiling water and the frog jumps out but humans are smarter than frogs are they?

Dear Confused: I am from the south, so I feel qualified to clear this matter up for you. The correct saying actually goes "If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, he will jump out. BUT if you set a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly turn up the temperature he will happily sit there and boil alive." I have actually used this saying many times in the past in reference to my former career. Yes, generally humans are smarter than frogs...but not always.

dirty dish blond color

Dear Undecided: While not one of those flashy colors like platinum blond or auburn, it is better than dog poop brown, my natural color.

child stitches grandparents house insurance liability

Dear Grandparent: If your child is suing you for an accident their child had while at your house, cut that ingrate out of the will...NOW. You will then want to estimate and total up every dime you ever spent on your greedy offspring over the years and present them with a bill. It goes without saying that you should immediately terminate all babysitting services you currently provide.

what does blue balls mean?

Dear Young Girl: He is trying to get into your pants. Do not buy the "blue balls" routine. They will NOT fall off and he can relieve himself later. Stick to your guns.

capri sun purse instructions

Dear Crafter: Obviously your crafting fetish is getting out of hand. Empty Capri Sun pouches belong in the trashcan. Besides, how in the world would you fit anything into a purse made out of those?

Oompa Loompa Genetics worksheet answers

Dear Child: I assume that since you are studying genetics you are not too young to hear the truth. Oompa Loompas are not real. They were characters in an old movie and were played by midgets (or little people or whatever the politically correct term is now). I am sorry your parents were not honest with you. If this information is too upsetting, wait a few days before searching for Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

canadian league football payscale

Dear Fan: There actually IS a Canadian football league? Who knew? I guess without a real sport like hockey, people are getting desperate.

food coloring in broccoli does it suck in faster

Dear Parent: Give it up. No matter what color you try to dye the stuff, your kid is going to see through the ploy and will still refuse to eat it. Instead take a food chopper and grind it up into almost a paste, then mix it into spaghetti sauce. Repeat with the carrots. Under NO circumstances should you let them catch you performing this maneuver. If they see you, all hope is lost. Good luck.


Dear Animal Lover: PETA is looking for you.

potty dance

Dear Parent or Office Peon: The potty dance is a phenomenon resulting from a child who desperately needs to use the bathroom. You don't often witness it unless you are on the phone, shopping in a store with no public restrooms or are in the bathroom yourself. It is characterized by rapid foot movement and grabbing of the crotch. The potty dance is also performed by a manager or supervisor in the workplace when he or she wants something trivial that he or she believes (erroneously) is important. The potty dance, when performed by a child, should not be ignored. The child has inevitably waited until the absolute last minute. You can safely disregard the potty dance when performed at work by a superior. If you do not make eye contact, the offender will eventually go away.

how long do spiral perms last

Dear Recent Perm Victim: It depends on how bad it looks. In my experience, the more you look like Shirley Temple on crack, the longer it lasts.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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