Monday, April 18, 2005

Speed Bump

I have posted about the bane of my existence, I mean our dog, in the past. I am almost positive now that she has "Doggy Alzheimer's." The most compelling evidence is her extreme forgetfulness. I am convinced that she hears nothing in her head but the sound of a test pattern or the static you get when the cable goes out. For instance:

She forgets that she has been fed. She insists on dancing around her food bowl anytime someone walks in the general vicinity of the kitchen. This sometimes works to her advantage when said person thinks other family members have neglected to feed her. Recently she received three breakfasts. Yes, THREE. This does not help the diet she is supposed to be on.

She has forgotten all training she ever had. The fact that she has NEVER been allowed on furniture now escapes her. The minute we turn our backs, she tries to climb on someone's bed. Of course, since she weighs 300 pounds, she is rarely successful. (ED. NOTE: OK, perhaps her weight is not exactly 300 pounds, but it sure feels that way when she steps on my foot)

She has forgotten that she has never been allowed to eat out of the trash. She will walk right up to the trashcan like it is the buffet at the local Golden Corral.

She has forgotten that she is no longer a puppy. If left to her own devices near an open bathroom door, she will go in and shred the toilet paper until it resembles confetti and she is celebrating Mardi Gras.

She has forgotten that she used to love to play "fetch." Now when someone throws a ball or a stick, she runs for about 3 strides, slows to a walk and lays down wherever the ball or stick has landed.

She has forgotten how fat she has gotten. This weekend she slithered under our deck, something she has not been able to do in years. Of course, she got stuck trying to climb out. Personally, I voted to leave her there until she lost enough weight to climb back out on her own.

She has forgotten all of the cool dog tricks she used to do. No longer does she respond to commands like "sit, shake, lay down, roll over," etc. Instead, her only trick is her impression of a speed bump. Notice that she is performing this wondrous feat in the picture you see above. The speed bump trick can be witnessed anytime I am trying to walk through the house with purpose. It is definitely my favorite when performed at the threshold of the bathroom in the middle of the night...when I haven't turned any lights on.

I have always fantasized about what kind of dog we will get when Casey's days on earth have come to an end. Who am I kidding? She is 11 this year and yet I am convinced that she will live forever, just to spite me. I believe that all of her teeth will fall out and I will be forced to feed her that expensive canned food, by hand, which will then give her the runs. And of course she will be incontinent when that happens. Such is my lot in life.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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