No, Please Don't Help. Really.

The Baby has really become fond of "helping" around here lately. Truth be told, he craves any and all attention. You can get him to do just about anything by applauding. Yes my friends, a few hand claps and a hearty round of, "Yay! What a BIG boy!" and the kid falls all over himself.

Unfortunately, I learned about this personality quirk a little late...or maybe I am just slow. It all started with an innocent trip to the trashcan. The Baby exclaimed "yucky," toddled to the can and threw something away. "How cute" I thought, and having never actually witnessing any other member of this house perform said maneuver, I got overly excited and cheered enthusiastically. Like a crack addict chasing that ever elusive first high, this kid can't seem to lay off the can.

While I can't prove all of it, here is a list of things we are pretty sure have ended up in the trashcan (along with yet another gratuitous weekend kid photo) :

• The charger from my work cell phone - Yes, the one that my company owns. Did I mention that I work for a state agency? Yeah, that one.


• My Husband's keys - Of course it is true that he has been known to leave them laying just about anywhere, but I have searched high and low for WEEKS. Yes, I looked in the freezer silly. The last time we saw them, he let The Baby play with them. (OK, so I didn't marry Einstein).


• "Big Dog Little Dog" - This is The Baby's favorite book of all time. C. and I have read this book in character (C.'s "Big Dog," and of course I play "Little Dog") to the kid almost every night since he was tiny. We have even played our parts over the phone when I was out of town for work. Perhaps The Baby doesn't appreciate great theatre?


• Several Pieces of Silverware - I think he's taking them out of the dishwasher while it is being loaded. We are down 6 forks, 7 spoons and 3 knives. There is no other explanation. And yes, I have searched the older kid's rooms. That was my first instinct.


• Numerous Small Toys - This wouldn't be a problem if they were HIS small toys and pieces parts we were talking about. Unfortunately, integral small items are missing from his sibling's rooms. I suppose I might care more if their rooms were actually clean. But alas, I don't.


• Cell Phones - Fortunately I have been able to catch him disposing of the phones that actually work and I have rescued them. As far as the MANY broken and old phones he has been given, I am not responsible. I cannot save them all.
• $50 Gift Card - This was for popular Maternity Wear shops. It was a gift for my sister-in-law. I yelled at C. for "losing" it. He, after all, had "cleaned off" the dining room table (read piled everything into a big pile and stashed it). After much searching, we're pretty sure The Baby disposed of it.


• Mail - Here is the conundrum: Junk mail that ends up in his hands on its way to the garbage is good. We actually give it to him for that purpose. The problem becomes the current bills and correspondence that he gleefully snatches from the table and tosses when I am focused elsewhere. For the record, we are missing a birth certificate and the title to one of the cars.

Sure, those of you without children are probably saying "watch him closer." Whatever. He's faster than anyone else in the house. And he's determined.

(Total photo credit to another C., who is married to my oldest and dear friend P.) Thank you!