Valentine's Day Gifts That Won't Get You Killed
Not my planned post, but for Trashman who has been asking, I give you gifts that won't get you killed.
Flowers – You can never go wrong with flowers, but be original. Roses are boring. NOTE: If your significant other works in an office setting filled with catty women, you MUST send flowers of some kind. You'll know if they are "catty coworkers" if she complains about backstabbing, office gossip, etc. on a regular basis. You can bet that her coworkers are going to get flowers (even if they send them to themselves) and they will flaunt them in her face.
Jewelry – This is a no-brainer in almost all cases. BE CAREFUL, though. If you are not yet married and there is any chance she is expecting an engagement ring, do NOT get any piece of jewelry that comes in a small ring-like box. No matter how gorgeous the earrings are or how cute that little $99 created ruby heart ring is, she will be disappointed because it is not "The" ring.
Spa Gift Certificates – Most women, especially those with kids, don't pamper themselves much. Do it for her. Gather up your courage and enter that frightening place where she gets her hair cut to get a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure. Perhaps a facial or massage is something she would enjoy. Many of those places have package deals. Get her something she would not normally splurge on for herself.
Maid Gift Certificate – I'm serious. Appeal to her inner Martha Stuart, the one she would be if you and the kids weren't messing up the house all the time. Give her a day or two off and hire a cleaning service for a one-time gig, or more. If your house looks like mine does, assure her that you and the kids will clean it (and DO IT) before the cleaning service gets there so she won't fear outsiders actually knowing you live this way. Some of us are worried that we will become fodder for jokes around the cleaning service water cooler.
Hotel Certificate – A bed and breakfast weekend is fabulous, but not all of us are capable of printing money on our home computers. Look into a hotel that is close to you. Many have package deals for a night of romance in a suite. Avoid Motel 6. Get an overnight babysitter – children are NOT romantic. Do not schedule it for Valentine's Day. Remember, you are being creative. Schedule it for next weekend.
Special Night at Home – If you are on a tight budget, all is not lost. Buy a movie that you would never in a million years watch with your buddies (or admit you ever watched). If things blow up, it contains gallons of blood or slashing, skip it. Think more Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in "Ghost." Ditch the kids if you have them. Perhaps you can trade off babysitting with another friend who wants to similarly treat his wife – no need to tell him your movie choice. Moms work out this babysitting trade all the time. Gather your courage. You CAN do it, too. Buy a nice bottle of wine, a loaf of French bread and some cheese (not American processed cheese product – ask in your grocery store for help), some expensive chocolates and watch your movie with her. Light a few candles, too. They never hurt.
Make Her a CD – This is a no-brainer if you have a CD burner on your computer. Make her a CD to go along with ANY other gift you choose. The CD should include "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, "All I Want Is You" by U2 and "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green. Yes, this is a bit smarmy, but carries benefits for you in the long run. After a crappy day she can plug in the disk and think dreamily of how romantic you are. If you are lucky, she will relax and won't take her crappy day out on you. When you do something stupid, I mean if you and she get into an argument, you can pop in the disk and defuse the tension. She will calm down and maybe even laugh it off. That is of course, unless she reads this blog. In that case, you're screwed.
You have 3 days left. Good luck.
Flowers – You can never go wrong with flowers, but be original. Roses are boring. NOTE: If your significant other works in an office setting filled with catty women, you MUST send flowers of some kind. You'll know if they are "catty coworkers" if she complains about backstabbing, office gossip, etc. on a regular basis. You can bet that her coworkers are going to get flowers (even if they send them to themselves) and they will flaunt them in her face.
Jewelry – This is a no-brainer in almost all cases. BE CAREFUL, though. If you are not yet married and there is any chance she is expecting an engagement ring, do NOT get any piece of jewelry that comes in a small ring-like box. No matter how gorgeous the earrings are or how cute that little $99 created ruby heart ring is, she will be disappointed because it is not "The" ring.
Spa Gift Certificates – Most women, especially those with kids, don't pamper themselves much. Do it for her. Gather up your courage and enter that frightening place where she gets her hair cut to get a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure. Perhaps a facial or massage is something she would enjoy. Many of those places have package deals. Get her something she would not normally splurge on for herself.
Maid Gift Certificate – I'm serious. Appeal to her inner Martha Stuart, the one she would be if you and the kids weren't messing up the house all the time. Give her a day or two off and hire a cleaning service for a one-time gig, or more. If your house looks like mine does, assure her that you and the kids will clean it (and DO IT) before the cleaning service gets there so she won't fear outsiders actually knowing you live this way. Some of us are worried that we will become fodder for jokes around the cleaning service water cooler.
Hotel Certificate – A bed and breakfast weekend is fabulous, but not all of us are capable of printing money on our home computers. Look into a hotel that is close to you. Many have package deals for a night of romance in a suite. Avoid Motel 6. Get an overnight babysitter – children are NOT romantic. Do not schedule it for Valentine's Day. Remember, you are being creative. Schedule it for next weekend.
Special Night at Home – If you are on a tight budget, all is not lost. Buy a movie that you would never in a million years watch with your buddies (or admit you ever watched). If things blow up, it contains gallons of blood or slashing, skip it. Think more Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in "Ghost." Ditch the kids if you have them. Perhaps you can trade off babysitting with another friend who wants to similarly treat his wife – no need to tell him your movie choice. Moms work out this babysitting trade all the time. Gather your courage. You CAN do it, too. Buy a nice bottle of wine, a loaf of French bread and some cheese (not American processed cheese product – ask in your grocery store for help), some expensive chocolates and watch your movie with her. Light a few candles, too. They never hurt.
Make Her a CD – This is a no-brainer if you have a CD burner on your computer. Make her a CD to go along with ANY other gift you choose. The CD should include "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, "All I Want Is You" by U2 and "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green. Yes, this is a bit smarmy, but carries benefits for you in the long run. After a crappy day she can plug in the disk and think dreamily of how romantic you are. If you are lucky, she will relax and won't take her crappy day out on you. When you do something stupid, I mean if you and she get into an argument, you can pop in the disk and defuse the tension. She will calm down and maybe even laugh it off. That is of course, unless she reads this blog. In that case, you're screwed.
You have 3 days left. Good luck.
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