Thursday, August 25, 2005

11 More Days

It is now 11 more days until that magical moment, that Christmas for parents, that day that feels like the IRS has made an undetectable mistake and sent you a $10,000 refund. Yes my friends, the first day of school is getting close. I think I may actually make it again this year without any permanent damage. Here then, are some of the reasons I will be ecstatic on September 6th:

My hearing should return. I am fairly positive that the constant thumping I hear is generated from the bass in their stereos and not in my head. I am looking forward to no longer reading lips to figure out what people are talking about.

My voice should return. There was a time when C. thought I was trying to be sexy with the hoarse voice. It took him one day off work to realize what was really going on - I have to yell over the din. My sign language skills are totally lacking.

My electric bill will go down. The televisions, computers and stereos will be returned to their original off positions. Every light in the house, which have burned brightly for two months despite my running around like a crazed sprinter trying to turn them off, will go dark.

My grocery bill will go back down to normal. No longer will people under the age of 15 be grazing every half an hour through the pantry and refrigerator like half-starved goats eating everything in their path.

I will be able to find my cordless phone. I think it still exists. Even though it has not rested securely in its cradle for the past two months, I have occasionally seen it attached to a child's head. I am hopeful that it has not become permanently attached to said child's head, requiring an expensive operation to remove it. Time will tell.

Speaking of the phone, I will be able to actually use it. I have almost forgotten what a dial tone sounds like, but I am optimistic that I will remember it. They say it is like riding a bike. If I have problems recalling how to dial, we do have speed dial. Hopefully the kids have not changed my preset numbers. I will know for sure when I try to dial my mother and get Radio Disney instead.

The ringing in my ears should cease. In addition to the booming of the stereo bass, I have heard this constant ringing. I believe that is the telephone. It occurs religiously throughout the day. Perhaps after school starts it will actually be for me.

The part of referee will no longer be played by yours truly. No longer will I need to scream, "Knock it off!" every few minutes (and one wonders where my voice goes). I will also not be required to throw my body in between what amounts to wild animals in full attack mode. I will not miss the drama.

Yes my friends, 11 more days. I am optimistic that I can hang on.

Wish me luck.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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