Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Pregnancy Primer

My Husband and children have not quite gotten the hang of living with a pregnant woman. You would think they would have figured it out by now. In their honor, I give you this pregnancy primer.

If I Am Sleeping, Under NO Circumstances Are You To Wake Me Up.
This kid is sucking all the energy out of me. Since you know that I am not usually a "nap person," it's a safe bet to believe that I REALLY must need the sleep. Do not wake me to ask me how I am feeling. Do not wake me to tell me that NaNa is on the phone and wants to know if I am getting enough rest. Do not wake me to ask me to check to see if your room is clean enough so that you can watch television. If, however, the house is on fire, then by all means please wake me.

Under NO Circumstances are you to eat the VERY last piece of whatever happens to be my craving du'jour. Is that HoHo, last scoop of my favorite ice cream (when you have a full tub of YOUR favorite), last granny smith apple or the last creamy yogurt with the fruit on the bottom that I love so much REALLY worth the wrath of hormones that you are setting yourself up for? Use your head and think about it.

Under NO Circumstances are you to loudly tell our friends that I am wearing my "Stretchy shorts" so my belly will fit, and then proceed to pull up my strategically placed shirt to reveal the pregnancy panel. Remember I know where you live, and I have far more experience and ammunition to embarrass you.

If you value your life, do not wait for me to step out of the shower and announce, "WOW! You are getting BIG! Maybe you need a bigger bathrobe." It is not ME getting big, it is the parasite I am carrying. I am very proud of the fact that I have only gained 7 pounds so far. Don't make me exercise further by chasing you down and killing you.

When I am settled in on the couch to read, watch a movie, or catch a little rest, under NO circumstances should you come in and poke me in the belly to "wake the baby up to play." He doesn't know when to quit and neither do you. I may poke you back rather unexpectedly and it won't be pretty.

You have been warned.

1 Comments:

Blogger chkg20gywx said...

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All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such.
We may own, take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect
to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are
not statements of historical fact and may be "forward, looking
statements." forward, looking statements are based on expectations, estimates
and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results
or events to differ materially from those presently anticipated. This newsletter was paid $3,000 from third party (IR Marketing).
Forward,|ooking statements in this action may be identified through the use of words such as: "projects", "foresee", "expects". in compliance with Se'ction 17. {b), we disclose the holding of EGTY shares prior to the publication of this report. Be aware of an inherent conflict of interest resulting from such holdings due to our intent to profit from the liquidation of these shares. Shares may be sold at any time, even after positive statements have been made regarding the above company. Since we own shares, there is an inherent conflict of interest in our statements and opinions. Readers of this publication are cautioned not to place undue reliance on forward,looking statements, which are based on certain assumptions and expectations involving various risks and uncertainties that could cause results to
differ materially from those set forth in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is
or informational purpose only and you should seek professional advice from registered financial advisor before you do anything related with buying or selling stocks, penny stocks are very high risk and you can lose your entire investment.

9:15 AM  

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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

See my complete profile










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