Thursday, August 04, 2005

My Advice to Single Men

Here is some advice for you single men out there: If a ten-year-old child can see through your pick-up lines, it is time to rethink your approach.

We recently went out to dinner at our favorite local English Pub. It's owned by a good friend of ours and we like the food. C., The Little One and myself were seated in our usual booth enjoying an appetizer of fried pickles (yummy!) when two men in their twenties were seated behind us. This incident occurred on a Friday night. It was rather early, only about 8pm, however it was pretty obvious that the two characters in question did not have dates. Let us call them "Clueless" and "Legend in His Own Mind" (Legend). The conversation that we overheard went like this:

The server came up to take their drink order.
Legend: Wow! Your hair is gorgeous tonight!
Server: What? You mean the "I was late for work and threw my wet hair in a pony-tail" look? (Then she rolled her eyes) Uh...thanks. What can I get you to drink.

The server got their drink order then went to fill it.
Clueless: Man, you are the master! Chicks just love you! (See why I call him Clueless?)
Legend: Well, dealing with chicks is simple. There are two kinds of dudes, Direct or Smooth. I'm the Smooth kind.
Clueless: What do you mean?
Legend: Well, say you are in a club and you see a chick with great tits. The Direct dude will walk up to her and say "Hey, great tits!" But me, I'm smoother than that. I would walk up and say, "Hey, that's a great shirt! I really like it!" See, while you really like her tits, she thinks you're complimenting her shirt.

At that point The Little One rolled her eyes and said, "Mom, did you hear that? What a MORON. Girls are smart enough to see through that. Every girl knows he's really looking at her boobs. No wonder he's sitting there with the fat guy instead of on a date."

Out of the mouths of babes.


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Name: Cattiva
Location: Virginia, United States

About Me: I'm the mom of three: #1 Son (20), The Princess of Wails (17) and their baby brother - The Baby (6). I was a grad-student working on an MA in history until we were surprised - I mean blessed - with The Baby. I'll get back to it...someday (the thesis, not the kid - I have no choice concerning the kid). I am one of only a few people I went to school with who is actually using their history degree in my career (and to think my Father called it Basket-weaving!). I live a very hectic life amongst massive clutter. I call it a good day if we have managed to get home at night without losing one of the kids (no matter how hard I try!). Friends say I have a humorous take on life's happenings. The sad part is that what I write about is true. I laugh to keep from crying.

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