There's a New Sheriff in Town and It Aint Me
I think I might have mentioned before that despite my best efforts, I do not have a green thumb. When we bought our humble home 8 years ago, much of our yard (and one side of the house) was covered with ivy. It has become a constant battle to take back our property from the invasive weed.
We have attempted to eradicate this stuff by many different methods. We've hacked and slashed at it with a machete as if we had been cast in some jungle adventure movie. We have physically ripped it out by the roots. One of my friends (a very talented green thumb kind of gal) suggested that I take disposable pie tins, fill them with "Weed B Gone," shove the ends of the ivy in the plate and wrap the whole thing in a plastic bag. Something about ivy being a "systemic feeder" or something. No joy there. The ivy lived, though I think we may have killed a bird and scared the crap out of our neighbors. We have even resorted to using something called "Total Vegetation Killer." It didn't kill all the ivy, but C. sure had a good time spraying that junk around. There is a "heap-ton" of testosterone in that name, which I guess is why it is such a big seller at the local Home Depot.
Recently, I decided to "take another whack at it" (bad pun intended). The stupid ivy was heading for The Baby's swing set (probably to lie in wait for The Baby himself) and as a matter of safety I went to hacking and slashing and chopping and pulling. About 30 seconds into my task, I felt a sharp pain in my hand and saw a small dot of blood. You may call it a breeze, but I could swear the vines were swaying and reaching towards me.
My friends, it seems we have created some sort of "Super Ivy." After all the frantic "pruning" and nasty chemicals, it has apparently morphed over the years into an aggressive being with THORNS! These are very sneaky, well hidden but very sharp THORNS for cryin' out loud! This stupid stuff never grew THORNS before. Perhaps we have made botanical history. I think I'll call it "Catt Weed."
You know, who really needs to go outside anyway? It's way too hot.
We have attempted to eradicate this stuff by many different methods. We've hacked and slashed at it with a machete as if we had been cast in some jungle adventure movie. We have physically ripped it out by the roots. One of my friends (a very talented green thumb kind of gal) suggested that I take disposable pie tins, fill them with "Weed B Gone," shove the ends of the ivy in the plate and wrap the whole thing in a plastic bag. Something about ivy being a "systemic feeder" or something. No joy there. The ivy lived, though I think we may have killed a bird and scared the crap out of our neighbors. We have even resorted to using something called "Total Vegetation Killer." It didn't kill all the ivy, but C. sure had a good time spraying that junk around. There is a "heap-ton" of testosterone in that name, which I guess is why it is such a big seller at the local Home Depot.
Recently, I decided to "take another whack at it" (bad pun intended). The stupid ivy was heading for The Baby's swing set (probably to lie in wait for The Baby himself) and as a matter of safety I went to hacking and slashing and chopping and pulling. About 30 seconds into my task, I felt a sharp pain in my hand and saw a small dot of blood. You may call it a breeze, but I could swear the vines were swaying and reaching towards me.
My friends, it seems we have created some sort of "Super Ivy." After all the frantic "pruning" and nasty chemicals, it has apparently morphed over the years into an aggressive being with THORNS! These are very sneaky, well hidden but very sharp THORNS for cryin' out loud! This stupid stuff never grew THORNS before. Perhaps we have made botanical history. I think I'll call it "Catt Weed."
You know, who really needs to go outside anyway? It's way too hot.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home