The Teenager Test
Regular readers will remember that I recently posted a list of weird searches that somehow found this blog. If you missed it, you can read it HERE. I plan to do another post like that again soon, but there is one desperate searcher I felt the need to address immediately. The search was "teenager test." Obviously this poor confused soul is so overwhelmed that they are not sure if there is a teenager living in their vicinity. My goal is to be of service, so I give you "The Teenager Test." Please answer YES or NO to the following questions:
1) Does your refrigerator mysteriously empty faster than you can refill it?
2) Are your cupboards starting to resemble those in Mother Hubbard's shoe?
3) Is there now a closed and locked door in your home where you could swear a bedroom used to be?
4) Are there loud rhythmic thumping noises that might loosely be described as "music" coming from that door at all hours?
5) Is the "In Use" light constantly illuminated on your phone?
6) Do you have to continually cleanse your family computer of pop-ups, plug-ins and every other annoying marketing ploy imaginable because someone insists on trying to "catch the monkey to win a free I-pod?"
7) Do you catch fleeting glimpses of some hooded figure occasionally out of the corner of your eye?
8) Does this figure communicate only in grunts, groans and shoulder shrugs if you try to have a conversation with it?
9) Has your water bill doubled because someone insists on taking two showers a day?
10) Is your access to the television always blocked by a lump on the couch? (Ed. Note: Do not answer YES if that lump is your husband or significant other)
11) When you are actually able to take control of your television, is the channel tuned to MTV every time? (Ed. Note: If the channel is always turned to ESPN or something similar, it's probably not a teenager, but again your husband or significant other)
12) When you return to your home, do you lock yourself in your office or room out of fear of the other occupants of the house?
If you answered YES to two or more of these questions, in all probability you are living with a teenager. I cannot give you much advice to survive this trying period in your life, as I myself am just beginning to learn how to deal with this phenomenon. All I can offer you are my sympathies and the hope that if we parents of teens band together, maybe some of us will survive until the kid hits twenty.
United we stand, my friends. God bless us one and all.
1) Does your refrigerator mysteriously empty faster than you can refill it?
2) Are your cupboards starting to resemble those in Mother Hubbard's shoe?
3) Is there now a closed and locked door in your home where you could swear a bedroom used to be?
4) Are there loud rhythmic thumping noises that might loosely be described as "music" coming from that door at all hours?
5) Is the "In Use" light constantly illuminated on your phone?
6) Do you have to continually cleanse your family computer of pop-ups, plug-ins and every other annoying marketing ploy imaginable because someone insists on trying to "catch the monkey to win a free I-pod?"
7) Do you catch fleeting glimpses of some hooded figure occasionally out of the corner of your eye?
8) Does this figure communicate only in grunts, groans and shoulder shrugs if you try to have a conversation with it?
9) Has your water bill doubled because someone insists on taking two showers a day?
10) Is your access to the television always blocked by a lump on the couch? (Ed. Note: Do not answer YES if that lump is your husband or significant other)
11) When you are actually able to take control of your television, is the channel tuned to MTV every time? (Ed. Note: If the channel is always turned to ESPN or something similar, it's probably not a teenager, but again your husband or significant other)
12) When you return to your home, do you lock yourself in your office or room out of fear of the other occupants of the house?
If you answered YES to two or more of these questions, in all probability you are living with a teenager. I cannot give you much advice to survive this trying period in your life, as I myself am just beginning to learn how to deal with this phenomenon. All I can offer you are my sympathies and the hope that if we parents of teens band together, maybe some of us will survive until the kid hits twenty.
United we stand, my friends. God bless us one and all.
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